I suppose my story starts pretty young.
I was a competitive figure skater for 7 years. I was pretty young when I started, at 6…. And of course, at 6, what did I know about bodies and what was considered attractive or beautiful?
Well, I learned from a pretty young age what society thought that was. Skinny, tall, lean legs… All the things that I weren’t and didn’t have. All of my skating friends were naturally thin – they always had pizza from the rink or downed chocolate like it was water and not gain a pound.
And for me, not so much. At first, I ate with them and never noticed that I looked any different. But that all changed when I overheard a few skaters talking about how I was ‘bigger’ than the rest of them, and how I didn’t have a skater’s body. I was about 9 then, so very young and very impressionable.
At the age of 9, I began skipping meals and carefully picking what I ate. And at the age of 9, I began binging and then guilting myself into not eating the next meal. Every where I went, I compared myself to other girls, wishing I had long legs or a skinny stomach.
Now, mind you, I wasn’t fat by any means. Sure, I wasn’t stick thin, but I was never over weight. I weighed myself every single day and checked my stomach in the mirror when no one was there.
I even tried to make myself throw up a few times, but thankfully, it didn’t work so I gave up on that. I can remember how desperately I wanted to lose weight and look like the other girls.
When I got to middle school, I relaxed a little bit… For grade 6 and 7, I was still aware of my body and aware of what I looked like compared to the other girls, but I didn’t feel nearly as put down as I did at skating, where I spent the majority of my time in elementary school. Then, the summer before grade 8, I quit skating due to injuries and other reasons. All of grade 8, I had so much fun and while my weight was still in the back of my mind, I was pretty okay with it.
A little too okay, because when I went to high school, all I did was eat. I joined my school’s cheer team, but I never worked out, aside from cheer practices. I didn’t gain too much weight in grade 9, but come grade 10, I started to notice a huge weight gain. I began wearing sweaters every day to hide my weight, and always jumped a mile when someone poked me.
I know it sounds strange, but it’s some weird craze teenagers have right now to eat. It’s not just a boredom thing… it’s hard to explain, but teenagers eat to hang out and make jokes about how “fat” they are because all they do is eat. Now, most of these girls are girls with super high metabolisms and eat MacDonalds every other day.
Well, my friends were (and still are) a part of that craze. During school, we would constantly go to McDonalds or 7/11 or A&W for lunch and buy tons of junk food and stash it in our lockers. We’d eat icing out of the jar and eat candy in between all of our classes.
I actually wasn’t super self-concious at this point. It was when I switched schools this year that I felt so self concious. I noticed my HUGE thighs and when I stepped on the scale at the end of the summer, I just about fainted. For the most part, I always weighed more than most girls, but I didn’t know what to think when I saw the scale stop at 140 pounds.
Most girls my age are around 110 to 120 pounds. I used to be, when I went into grade 9, but all the eating and lack of exercise clearly added up. I decided it was time to make a change.
I planned to work out in the mornings before school. My new school starts at 9 and I live close by, but my former school started at 8:30 and it was a 20 minute drive, not including traffic, so I have a lot more time in the mornings. But like a lot of other people, I yo-yo dieted. I went back to eating nothing, then binging on cake and chips and horrible junk food.
At the very end of November, my dad purchased the Tone It Up Fat Burning System for me after I begged and begged. I was so excited to start new, and I had wanted the plan for so long – I’d been following the girls on Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook for about a year before then. But I couldn’t stick with it…. I had cravings and I skipped workouts, then thought because I already messed up, I may as well just start again tomorrow.
It was about the middle of January that really changed it for me. I decided I wanted to see a change for summer… and I think what really drives me now is that I have an end date I want to go for. I created a twitter account for check-ins, because I thought it was much easier than having to log into the community all the time.
I created this blog to log all my workouts and meals and to hopefully inspire you all with either workouts, meals, or just a read if you’re bored! This blog is now home to recipes and motivational posts, and a few random, silly ones too!
I’ve learned it’s not being skinny, but healthy that is the key. I’ve already lost 12 and a half pounds in about a month and a half, and I’m aiming to lose 6 more before summer starts. Eating healthy has actually become fun to me…. I love finding new recipes that I can enjoy without guilt and I’ve even begun trying out my own!
I want to thank Karena & Katrina for all they have done for me. They don’t know it, but it’s not even just the diet plan and the workouts that have changed my life… it’s the community. All the girls I have met through Tone It Up have and continue to inspire and motivate me, and are all so kind. I’m so grateful and so happy that I joined the team. I hope to some day be featured as a success story on Tone It Up!
Thank you if you actually took the time to read through all of this. I know it’s a lot, but I think this is more for me than for anyone. I’ve never told anyone any of this… but I feel like I can to all of you. I hope you enjoy my blog and find that living a healthy lifestyle is possible and fun!
Love to you all! xo
To learn more about me, click here :)